


The Fallout, the Cave, and the Future

by TheStarsMyDestination



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: And now Rey has to deal with it, Angst, Ben Solo is Dead, F/M, Finn and Rey are friends, Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Reylo Valentines Exchange 2021 (Star Wars), Rose/Finn mention, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29455197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStarsMyDestination/pseuds/TheStarsMyDestination
Summary: Written for the 2021 Reylo Valentine's exchange.The prompt I chose was: "Rey copes (or doesn't) with Ben's death. No force ghosts or anything, he's dead DEAD. Make it the saddest thing you'll ever write, please."
Relationships: Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11
Collections: Reylo Valentine’s 2021





	1. The Fallout

**Author's Note:**

> Coming in at the last minute (and the absolute worst time of week and night to post on Ao3), here is my prompt fill for the 2021 Reylo Valentine exchange!
> 
> The prompt giver was anonymous -- whoever you are, I hope that you enjoy this. It was therapeutic to write in some ways. I didn't use Force ghosts, though I hope you'll forgive me for taking a few liberties in chapter 2. Thank you for the prompt, and wishing you all the best. 
> 
> Detailed author's notes/references at the end of each chapter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn gets a visit from an old friend.

Finn woke from a dead sleep, eyes wide, pulse racing. He struggled upright scrubbing a hand across his face. A dream? He tried to recall it, willing his breath to slow and his mind to clear. Beside him, Rose snuffled in her sleep but didn’t wake. There was...something. Like a splinter in his mind’s eye. He turned it over and over. Then he understood. 

“Rey.” 

He found her outside, perched on the edge of their balcony. She was leaning on the railing, propped up on her elbows. Her face was turned away from him, the bright lights of the city reflected in the highlights of her brown hair. 

He hadn’t seen his friend in ten years. Time in which his life had marched onwards. And yet, here she was, looking almost the same as she had the day she had side-stepped out of their lives, abandoned them -- _No_ , he stopped himself. He was getting angry. He pushed the thoughts down.

As though she could sense him thinking about her, she turned to face him. Her face was uncharacteristically expressionless, her mouth a stoic line...yet her eyes were overbright and the whites of her knuckles were visible in her grip on the thin railing.

Earlier anger aside, his first instinct was to run and hug her. He began to close the distance between them, arms outstretched, but was surprised when she recoiled. She shook her head infinitesimally. He stopped short, redirecting the motion into crossing his arms in front of him. 

“How’d you get in?” He asked, trying to sound casual. 

“Easily enough. Sliced my way in, disarmed your security detail.”

“You what??” 

“It’s fine, they’ll wake up, I didn’t...I just --”

“But the security are -- my _kids_ are here, Rey, we --”

“Don’t worry, no harm will come to you or your family while I am here.”

She said it in a placid, matter of fact way. As though the team of senatorial bodyguards assigned to protect Rose was of no more concern or challenge to her than a passing insect. 

“Rey. I told you in my message to let me know when you were coming and I’d fix everything. I would have sent you a _key_.”

Her brow furrowed, as though that hadn’t occurred to her. She turned to lean out against the railing again. He followed, joining her in looking out at the city beyond. He wasn’t sure what to do next. What were you supposed to say to your best friend after ten years of silence? He wished he'd woken Rose after all. She'd know exactly what to say to put them all at ease. 

Now that he was closer, he could see that his old friend wasn’t as unchanged as he’d first thought. She was thinner, the planes of her cheekbones prominent -- perhaps even more so than when he’d first met her, half-starved and feral on Jakku. But back then, she had been a ray of sunshine. Now she seemed to wear darkness like a cloak, wrapped in familiar folds. Ten years or not, something was wrong with his friend, he could tell. It wasn’t like her to be this solemn, this flat. 

“We had a bet, you know,” he said at last, “on whether or not you’d show up again. Poe and Connix thought you were gone for good, but Rose always thought you’d come back.” 

“What did you think?” 

He let out a long sigh. “I didn’t know what to think.” Realizing that this was the wrong response, he added quickly: “What I meant was, when you didn’t come for the wedding or any of the kids' birthdays we thought —“

“Congratulations on the wedding, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Finn said dryly. “You’re only about eight years late.” Then, seeing an entrance, he added: “And as for the girls’ birthdays, don’t worry about it. But they are the reason why I --”

“I didn’t get the message until too late,” she pressed on, clearly not listening to him. “I meant to send a gift. And for your children. I was busy. I got distracted. I’m sorry.” 

“What were you doing out there?” Finn pressed. Rey didn’t say anything, but pushed up from the railing and paced away a few steps. Finn followed her with his eyes. “Rey, I’ve been so worried about you. We were supposed to stick together, remember? To take care of each other?”

“I’m not made to take care of anyone --”

“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard. Rey what happened to you?” He waited for her to answer, but she offered him only silence. His temper rose again. “Hey, if you need help, let me help you, let _us_ help you --”

She shook her head sharply. “I’m beyond your help.”

“Once again, that’s the most ridiculous thing --”

She suddenly rounded on him, eyes wide but still not quite meeting his gaze. “You don’t understand, Finn. I’m the fallout. I’m what’s left after generations of Jedi and Palpatines... The people I touch die, the people I love suffer. It was better for me to go away.” 

"Is that a Jedi thing?” he snapped. “Now you only talk in weird metaphors about suffering? That’s not the Rey I know. Is she still there?”

She recoiled as though he’d slapped her and he thought for a moment he’d gone too far. But he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty. For years he had made excuses for her, and now when he needed her --

“Do you really want to know where I’ve been?” she asked, interrupting his thoughts. 

“Yes. I think you owe me that much.” His voice was clipped, sharp. He expected her to match it. He expected her to stalk away, or explode, or ignite her lightsaber, _something_. 

What he did not expect was for her to crumple to the ground. Yet in an instant, he was at her side, catching her as she fell. She weighed almost nothing, he was able to lift her almost one-handed. It threw him to see her like this. Rey had always been strong and stable. She had never needed his hand. When he had been unsure or afraid, he had counted on her — even just the _memory_ of her -- for strength. Knowing he had to keep her safe had motivated so many things for him. 

He wished again that he had woken Rose. She would have known how to deal with this. He felt lost, drifting in zero G. He reached out and took Rey’s hand. It was cold as ice and she did not protest. “Please, Rey,” he said, desperation creeping into his voice, “what _happened_ to you?”

“I tried to find a way to bring back Ben Solo from the dead. I tried everything. And I...I failed.” 

At first, Finn just squeezed her hand in response -- then his thoughts caught up with him and his entire body seemed to drop into shock. 

“Ben...Ben Solo?” he stammered. “As in, General Leia’s -- but no, Rey. That’s Kylo Ren. You didn’t...you _couldn’t_...Rey…” He must have misheard her, misunderstood somehow. But she was nodding against his chest. 

“Yes. Him.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“Because,” she pulled back, meeting Finn's gaze for the first time. "I loved him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a comment or kudos if you enjoyed, and I'd love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Notes/References  
> -Splinter in the Mind’s Eye is an early EU book I have never read and which is also apparently kinda weird? But cool title, right?  
> -Title is an homage to “The Fallout” by Sage, a Dramione fic I read 10 million years ago. It changed the way I looked at fanfic, it was just that good. Here a link if you haven’t read it and you're into that kind of thing  
> -Title is also a dumb Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe/Narnia reference. In that, once you learn a truth or suffer a loss, you can't ever really go back to childhood. Narnia is always closed to poor Susan, just as the happiness that Rey felt with Ben is now closed off to her.


	2. The Cave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're still reading! Sweet!! Detailed author's notes/references at the end.

Rey wasn’t sad, at first, because she didn’t think it was real or final. She would bring him back. It was that simple. If, somehow, Palpatine could return and if she could come back, then Ben, too, could come back. 

It was that simple. Exegol had not been a goodbye, just a see you later. She used to dream about their reunion -- where they’d go, what they’d do. What a second kiss could lead to. 

But everything she tried, everything she knew...none of it worked. She was not a stranger to disappointment. She would figure it out. She just needed the right parts, the right tools. As she had salvaged parts and pieces to keep herself alive on Jakku, so too would she salvage this situation. 

In those early postwar days, her time was all ceremonies and councils and dinners crossed with frantic nights of study and searching. It wore her down to nothing, sapping her spirit. She watched the days pass with the detachment of someone watching another’s life. Without him, without Ben...nothing seemed quite as bright. 

And that was fine, she told herself. If things were dark now, well...It wouldn’t be long before he’d be back and the color would return.

She searched for years. She wandered the length and breadth of the galaxy. Going from planet to planet, chasing rumors and divining for dreams. 

She crawled through forgotten tombs and temples, clinging to any old story of the Jedi and, eventually, even the Sith. If she missed birthdays or weddings, or anniversaries...it would be worth it in the end. She knew this as fiercely and truly as she knew her own name. She tried to explain this to Chewie, but eventually, even he had had to shake his head and leave her be, to return to his own family. She didn’t stay in one place or with one group long - no use building a home somewhere when the man who was her home was still beyond her reach. And besides, she had come to realize that she carried too much of the Palpatine taint in her blood -- without Ben to balance her, she was too much of a risk. 

  
  


And so she became a legend. The wandering Jedi, the mysterious one on an inscrutable quest -- or so people thought. But there was nothing, always nothing. Wide and insurmountable, this void filled her and consumed her. 

And then, without warning, she finally  _ finally  _ had a breakthrough. 

It was in a grimy cantina on a backwater planet, a smuggler well in his cups bragged of seeing the dead. Tongue loosened by drink and a few little pushes from the Force, they spun the tale of joining a crew tasked with looting a cave on the planet Batuu, supposedly the site of a Jedi burial ground. Though he’d said with a chuckle, everyone knew the Jedi were just a myth. Rey had just nodded and bought him another drink. Even if it wasn’t the Jedi, there might be something worth some good credits there. But when they got there, weird things started happening. They had been one of the forward scouts, and he swore he’d seen the face of his dead sister in the tunnel walls. That had been enough to send him running out, job or not job.

“You don’t go messing with the dead. Let them lie, I say, and you’ll be wise to listen, girl!” the smuggler had insisted, before falling into a drunken haze.

Rey immediately went to this place. It was as the smuggler had said, half-hidden by years of overgrowth and neglect. She picked her way through, not even feeling the thorns and branches that tore at her clothes and hair. She a woman possessed. Finally, she would do it, she would bring him back. Everything would be good. Everything would be right. Just as it was supposed to be. 

The mouth of the cave was small, with a passageway cut into the living rock. Fingers trembling, she pulled away the clinging vines, felt the rush of air coming up from below. After so many years, would this finally be it? Would she walk out of his cave, hand in hand with Ben?

She ignited her lightsaber and stepped forward in the strong yellow light. 

She plunged forward, down a long meandering hallway. And stairs. Stairs that led down and down, left and right. Until the light and the day was but a distant memory. She reached out with the Force and felt...something strange yes, but insubstantial. Like a dr

She felt as though she had passed not only beyond the mountain, but somehow beyond the galaxy. Lost in liminal space. But she held on, she held to  _ him _ . Her footsteps beat a rhythm on the stone and every step was **_Ben, Ben, Ben, Come-back, Come-back, Come-bac_ ** k. If she could just push further, if she could just be strong enough -- Her lightsaber trembled in her outstretched hand. Tears streamed down her face, unnoticed. She was sobbing, she was dying, she was falling, yet she was  _ still _ walking down the stairs, her footsteps still beating out a plea of  **_Ben. Ben. Ben._ **

She began to suspect she was going in circles. Though she had never turned, she could have sworn she’d passed that one clump of moss before. And there -- there was the rock she’d tripped on hours ago, the fibers of her torn trousers still clinging to the edge. She was filled suddenly with rage and fear and desperation, the wave edging out all rational thought. 

“Are you going to show me the way or not?” She growled aloud, pushing back against her own feelings. As if in answer, a loud crack rent the air, causing her to jump in alarm. A fissure opened behind her. She tried to step towards the opening, but instead fell, as though some unseen hand pitched her forward.

She raised her head, looked out ahead, and saw…herself. 

It was a mirror. 

Or was it? She pulled herself up to sitting, knees folded beneath her. There was an inscription along the wall. She lifted her lightsaber, reading it in the yellow glow. Her voice was hoarse, cracked: “The dead live within us. We are, through our actions, are their resurrection.”

As she said it, the image before her rippled. Reflected in it, she no longer saw herself, but another place. A place where no shadows fell. And there she saw... something. A familiar shape. 

“Ben?”

It was hard to tell if it was him, they were shades and vapor. But it was a presence, familiar. Understanding. Gentle. And unfathomably sadness, twin to her own since he had gone away. She reached out a hand, but her fingers hit hard glass. This action made the picture roil. They were disappearing, they were being blown away by the winds of some unknown plain. 

“No, no! Don’t leave me! I can’t — I can’t do this without you, come back. Come back!!” 

She sprang to her feet. With a shriek, she lifted her lightsaber again and swung it towards the mirror, slashing through it. Shards of glass and chunks of rock rained down on her, cutting her face and catching at her clothes. Her breath came hard and fast and her vision closed in at the edges. The saber slid from her grip, clattered across the flagstone floor, and went out. In the darkness, she beat at it the splintered glass, clawed at it until her hands her raw and fingernails bled. She continued until she had no energy left, until she slumped, spent and broken into the floor. She thought that she, too, might die and she would welcome it. 

As she lay there, she recognized the truth: He was gone. He would not come back. She would be alone. Always. The only person who could have made her whole again was gone. She would never reclaim the peace and wholeness she had felt on Exegol just before he slipped away. 

Though he had brought her back, his passage had shredded her soul beyond recognition. Without him to help her heal, what good was there in the galaxy?

She lay on the cold stone floor, willing herself to be swallowed up by the cavern. Surely there must be peace in the heart of the mountain? But no. Even that was denied to her. Broken though it was, her heart kept beating. Eventually, she stood up. She left the cave, covered the entrance, and picked her way back along the trail to her ship -- where her console flashed with a message from Finn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a comment or kudos if you enjoyed -- they really make my life. And I'd love to hear your thoughts!!
> 
> Notes/References  
> -I took a class in college called “Harry Potter/Fantasy Literature and Religion.” One of the few things I remember is the professor saying “the dead live within us; we are, by our actions, their resurrection”   
> -I wanted to show that Rey kinda continued the kind of magical thinking/lying to herself that colored her entire childhood. The prompt was to make this the saddest thing I'd ever written. I can't think of anything more sad than falling back into past self-destructive behaviors.


	3. The Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey meets the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, this is the final chapter.

“I used to wish for someone to show me my place in all of this,” Rey said. They were both on the ground now. Her hand was still resting in his. He felt warm and solid. Weak sunlight filtered through the garden’s UV screens. “That was the hardest thing. I got my wish: I found my place and it was with him. Now that he’s…” she paused for a moment, then pressed on. “Now he’s gone there is no place for me.”

The words hung between them. Finn didn't say anything. She wondered if he hated her now, knowing what he knew about her. Knowing that she had tried to resurrect someone he thought was a monster. 

“Rey," he said at last, "There’s a reason why I asked you to come here.”

“I already told you," she said. He hadn’t been listening. Why wouldn’t he listen? "I’m no good to anyone. You don’t understand...my grandfather...the Force —“

She reached out, tentatively, with the Force towards him, but found only the same solid and reassuring wall he had always been. And yet, something was different. Confused, she studied him, her brow furrowed and lips parted. 

“Yeah, I do.” Finn said, staring at her levelly. “I understand.” There was silence. She realized in a flash that he felt different to her senses because he was  _ pushing back _ . It was clumsy, but he was doing it. Finn, her Finn, was using the Force. “Maybe not the same way that you do," he continued, seemingly oblivious to Rey's shock, "but here’s the thing...my daughter, she’s...she’s different. Do  _ you _ understand?”

Rey was stunned. And in a blink, she realized what he wanted, what he had brought her here to ask. The realization,  _ the responsibility _ , was terrifying. She shrank in on herself, pulled her hand out of his, and curled it in her lap. “I can’t be your savior. Or hers.”

“Rey, I'm not asking you to --.”

“I barely learned anything from Luke, how can I possibly --” 

There was the sudden sound of the sliding door opening behind them. They both flinched and turned as one towards the sound.

“Daddy?”

They looked up as one to see a little girl with wide dark eyes staring at them from the doorway. She was wearing a long nightdress that fell to her bare feet and clutching a Wookie stuffy. Her hair was tucked up in a silky blue bonnet.

Immediately Finn’s demeanor shifted and he got to his feet. Rey watched in wonder as all of the tension disappeared from his shoulders and a smile passed across his face when he turned to face his daughter. 

“What are you doing up so early, ladybug?” he asked. But the little girl didn’t answer, she was standing stock-still and staring at Rey. 

Finn spoke again, perhaps saying something comforting to his daughter, but Rey wasn’t listening. This little girl couldn't have been more different from Rey at that age. She had a family who loved her, a stable home. And yet, there was the Force -- Rey could sense it, sense the potential. The time would soon come when this girl would need help to harness that power. 

Rey recalled the inscription from the cave:  _ The dead live within us.  _ The dead  _ had  _ lived within her. A thousand generations of Jedi. Luke.  _ Ben.  _ All of them. The sheer weight of their legacy was enough to crush her. And yet...

_ We are, through our actions, their resurrection.  _

She couldn’t bring back her love, her other half, her dyad. Nothing would ever fill that void. But she could do this. Whatever her shortcomings, she would not abandon this girl to be alone in learning the Force. Nor would she allow her to be sent away in fear, as Ben had been. There was not much good she, Rey, could do. But she could do this. __

Rey’s thoughts were interrupted by what felt almost like a ghostly tap at the shoulder. She realized that the girl was trying to reach out with the Force, sense her feelings. She gently pushed back, redirecting the girl's focus. “There’s no need to be frightened,” Rey said. “What’s your name?”

“Thalia."

She, Rey, was the fallout, but this girl...she could be the shape of things to come.

“Hello, Thalia. It’s good to meet you,” she smiled, her first smile in so long that she thought she’d forgotten how. Then she held out her hand. “I’m Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope that you enjoyed this short little story. Please leave a comment or kudos if you are so moved, they mean so much to me and I love to hear folks' opinions. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a comment or kudos if you enjoyed, and I'd love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Notes/References  
> -Thalia is, according to Wookiepedia, Rose's mom's name.  
> -I know that this was supposed to be the saddest thing ever, but I couldn't help but leave a sliver of hope for the next generation.  
> -That being said, Rey having to give up and become a teacher to the next generation, forgetting the self in the endeavor, and being the kind of martyr that TROS set her up as is the saddest thing I could think of. So that's my prompt fill. It breaks my heart. I wanted so much more for our girl. I hope that this version of her finds some modicum of peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a comment or kudos if you enjoyed, and I'd love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Notes/References  
> -Splinter in the Mind’s Eye is an early EU book I have never read and which is also apparently kinda weird? But cool title, right?  
> -Title is an homage to “The Fallout” by Sage, a Dramione fic I read 10 million years ago. It changed the way I looked at fanfic, it was just that good.  
> -Title is also a dumb Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe/Narnia reference. In that, once you learn a truth or suffer a loss, you can't ever really go back to childhood. Narnia is always closed to poor Susan, just as the happiness that Rey felt with Ben is now closed off to her.  
> -I took a class in college called “Harry Potter/Fantasy Literature and Religion.” One of the few things I remember is the professor saying “the dead live within us; we are, by our actions, their resurrection”  
> -I wanted to show that Rey kinda continued the kind of magical thinking/lying to herself that colored her entire childhood. The prompt was to make this the saddest thing I'd ever written. I can't think of anything more sad than falling back into past self-destructive behaviors.  
> -Thalia is, according to Wookiepedia, Rose's mom's name.  
> -I know that this was supposed to be the saddest thing ever, but I couldn't help but leave a sliver of hope for the next generation.  
> -That being said, Rey having to give up and become a teacher to the next generation, forgetting the self in the endeavor, and being the kind of martyr that TROS set her up as is the saddest thing I could think of. So that's my prompt fill. It breaks my heart. I wanted so much more for our girl. I hope that this version of her finds some modicum of peace.


End file.
